Day 5

This is a long post. Here's an audio version of it:



may the rats eat your eyes

I need to stop doubting myself so much. Even if I never make contact with another soul, it's important I make these records.... whether everything I've seen and experienced is real or not.

Let me start at the beginning. I'm not sure how long I've been trapped here, because I only recently started keeping notes... but some of my accounts seem to go back as far as 10 to 15 years. I feel constantly dizzy and fatigued, and I find it hard to cling to any memory for longer than a few moments.

i am now lost to your cause

I have no idea what happened... I can't recall a time when my life wasn't like this, but I know that it's wrong. I seem to be the only person on the internet. It's like I've been blocked by everyone... except a single youtube channel www.youtube.com/scottarcmusic ...what appears to me a small music and video game remix channel, but I've been able to access an upload page and I theorise if I'm strong enough I'll be able to reach through and post something there, and it may well be my best chance of making contact with the outside world. I am constantly drifting between planes of existance... primarily this "ghost town" i've been stuck in... and periodically being sucked into a living nightmare world that.... I can  barely remember, and I am going to keep doing what I can to keep some kind of record of that place. All I can say for sure is that I am absolutely physically taken there when I go... I've  managed to pull back a few things with me, and as long as I make some kind of note quickly I am able to recall memories of anything I do write down... and they do feel like memories.

the darkness comes

I've left my flat whenever the food is running low... and the streets are practically deserted. I have seen other people, but they all seem... off. Shuffling about the streets and into tower blocks with unseeing eyes always cast down to the floor. I've literally screamed in their faces and gotten no reaction.

I'm not sure who I am, but I'm not alone... I mean... I am and I'm not. I'm sharing my life, soul and body with at least three others, possibly four. The only time I ever have full control of my body and feel somewhat lucid is when I'm typing, or talking (to myself lol)... but even those actions never feel truly like my own. Everything feels planned... And it seems almost everything I write has been partly predetermined by the notebooks I find littered around my home. and so I've taken to calling myself The Narrator, as I seem to be the only one of "us" capable of even attempting to document anything or make contact with the outside world. I know theres at least three others. The notebooks I find about the flat definitely weren't written by me and I find new ones all the time. I also didn't make any of the account's I've been using. And lastly there are various scraps of sketches and books full of them... I'm not sure how I know any of this, but I feel it inside... the way I know I never wrote any of those notes. I can feel these other... people... inside me. I'm constantly losing track of who has control at any given time, and misremembering things done by other people as if I had done them myself...  I'm already rambling so much and I'm losing whatever train of thought I had here. I'm going to keep trying to put info out there and maybe one of meus will spot a pattern somewhere. something that can help.

and it will damn us all

I.... even after typing all this, all I feel like I've done is confuse myself more, and just put out enough now that if anyone does happen to find this they'll instantly dismiss it as bad fiction. There are five of us in here, and one... there has to be some meaning here.. there just has to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee